Thanks pulse. hard lesson, he is an adult, but it goes to show wisdom does not come with age. after two hours of chatting, i showed him how he was actually going to mislead me to get what he wanted. yet he blurts out after that that he does not play games. he is confused and messed up it seems. i feel pretty stupid everyone for even having this feeling of trying to help him. he obviously does not want to learn or grow up even. he was very hurtful. how to get toughened up?
i get a feeling that he is having a right old laugh at me for hooking me in with the other guys thinking i am good looking. even though he is private and i bleieve him strangely enough. Am i stupid?
No I dont think you are stupid,men can be very manipulative.
(04-01-2011, 07:51 PM)Aridity Wrote: [ -> ]No I dont think you are stupid,men can be very manipulative.
I would agree, most of the jackasses are. And by my definition, that includes all of the guys that cheat, and simply get with other women for the sex instead of the other reasons for why people want to be with each other.
However, no offense to monique, but a lot of women can be very manipulative as well. I've seen it firsthand, so is it like playing a bluffing game of cards? lol who knows.
Point is, whether you're a man or a woman, you just have to be careful and decide for yourself whether it's worth it or not.
No offense Monique most men only want sex,dont let they get to you they will break your heart ALWAYS think twice before going into a relationship.
thanks. i regret to think you all are right. i never always get why people manipulate as i like it straight and give it straight. it is wrong to mislead people to get selfishly what you want without giving ther other person full freedom to choose if it is right for them. This guy has been manipulative by coming across genuine in stating he wants sex and finds me attractive, loves to talk to me and challanges, then makes me feel bad for questioning his intentions as one one hand he says sex first and see if it evolves to a relationship and then on the other hand that he has no time for r'ship. On top of it, then saying he is not special for me and i corrected him by saying i am not for him as it is for me to decide what i think. What is amazing is that we are connected somehow and i guess i grew to like him thinking only that he is sincere. I trust him in a very strange way but he is seems emotionally unstable or he was really playing with my mind and emotions and kind nature. This bit, makes me feel sick everyone. Ardity, sexual contact is important and nothing wrong with it, i agree with you that if that is all that is wanted then it is good to know that. Maybe you all can see that he was even misleading me and I thought there is more to him. he has consumed my time and energy. i miss him alot but unsure what i miss anymore. Maybe i liked the attention but looking back he often made me feel cheap, sick to my stomach and always confused. Yesterday i realised he is the one confused or maybe he is just skilled and i caught him out. he probably does not care and now i ask you all, when i see him in class (mature adult class) how am i to behave? Should i be happy with everyone so he does not see me down and affected as much as i am, or should i have a talk with him to tell him after class that he has been manipulative and it is not right how he is treating woman. I already told him that he has a daughter and i believe in karma. But all these discussions we have had is on email and never in person. Thanks for the advice all. I take no offense from anyone and like it straight as you all give. This discussion has really been helping me and getting things out of my head to start solving it. I have to stop have him consume my mind and emotions. He makes me feel cheap and i am disappointed in not seeing this sooner. i have been played....
BTW, i asked him how he feels for me and he said mixed. One hand he thinks i am really wonderful, other hand crazy. he makes the situation crazy and i have been reacting and see it has been crazy as my emotions were tangled in his web. He has been having a great laugh everyone and i am feeling incredibly down, but ig uess u all can tell by this conversation. New situations, hard lesson and i get one is always wiser and stronger afterwards. Advice for now to handle the last few classes is needed. Crickey, he must be desperate to have sex if he is even willing to lie and with a crazy chick he claims i am too, while also stating he does not care if we have sex. but then saying how he is honest and no BS in not pursuing me for sex by wining and dining me to do. Even with my constant questioning of asking him to show me the respect i deserve, he stated he wants to run away as he has never had such horrible emails in all his life and yet he admits he still types to me. They were not horrible emails, but he saw them as that as i realise when i got to the truth, he was manipulating it all emotionally for me and is just skilled in doing it. No conscious when i said we would have slept with other under false pretences he was telling me and i would have been incredibly hurt by this. His response is well good we didnt then. On the other hand he states he knows he does not love me but then all his behaviours are opposite to what he would do and he has no idea of what love is. Maybe this is giving me hope again. OK, question is how to behave and whether i should speak to him in person about it? Next is, how many of u think i should give him a chance or move on and just not have any contact with him at all?
I would say, when the boy, like starts pushing you around, not bullying but, for fun, and do some childish things .
yeah but i think manipulative behaviour and misleading someone to sleep with them is neither fun or bullying. Kind of bad in my books, but again everyone he gives of mixed emotions and i like him which i find very strange for me. Any sane person would just walk away. My question in light of recent development. how shall i be around him for the last few lessons and should i tell him what he has been doing that is wrong to any woman in person?
Sorry to say this Monique, but I think he is probably playing the exact same game with other women as you read this now. Don't think he thinks you're special in any way, if he has indicated this, it's an illusion he created to help get him what he wants. These men are skilled at deceiving women and the more time you give to him, the more skilled he will become as he learns new tricks - and the harder it is then for women like you to extricate themselves from. For your own sake, give him up, and move on. It will hurt you even more in the end if you allow yourself to be subjected to his hurtful behaviour any more. He will hurt you again because you always hope and want to believe better of him even though you know this is how he is. This is one of your weaknesses that comes from strong qualities you possess as a person, unlike him and which he exploits knowingly, and something you need to work on for yourself. In a way, you are deceiving yourself that he's not that bad, that he might somehow change, or he might start to value you more. The only way he might change is if you and other women learn to let these men go their separate ways and not give in to their games. While he's got you interested at any level, he's 'winning' his game, and he therefore doesn't have to change. Take the lessons you have already learned and save yourself that extra pain. Believe me, it is a truly horrible place to be when the bigger truth unravels before you at a later date. Any contact you have with him, you are still investing in him emotionally, always hoping. I know it's hard, but you really need to break that now. Maybe at a later date, you two will meet again and he'll prove his worth as a reformed character but for now, let him go, move on and make a good life for yourself. There are much better men out there, who will not focus on sex at the outset. Relationships have to be about so much more, and this guy clearly doesn't appreciate this fact, and clearly isn't interested in a proper relationship. He has made it abundantly clear that the only thing that interests him is sex, all the better with someone he finds attractive. He's not offering any kind of committment to you, despite what he says. He doesn't want to be responsible and treat you fairly. He can pay a prostitute for this, so why give it to him for free? Don't let him drag you down, when you have so much more going for yourself. You sound like a really lovely woman with a lot of love to give. As soon as you give him up, I can assure you he won't care, and he'll looking for the next women without looking back. You don't mean that much to him really, if you did, he'd be treating you with a lot more respect. So don't be rewarding him for it! Sorry to go on, it's hard to see people do this to themselves. Just be cruel to be kind to yourself if you can, it's a lot easier in the long run that way. All the best.
(03-24-2011, 09:08 AM)Baked Wrote: [ -> ]I'm speaking for myself right now by saying:
Guys are a lot more discreet than girls when liking someone. This is just me, I can tell almost from the get go if a girl likes me. But I'm a lot harder to pick that up from.
Just try and keep an eye on him, if he's checking you out constantly or talks to differently.
I'm almost positive that he likes you.
I agree. Guys are pretty much super discreet. From what I typically do when communicating with a girl I like, I generally talk to them for a really long time before actually considering whether I would ask them out or not, while hinting at an interest in her to test the waters a bit. And then when I don't feel like waiting anymore, I'll ask her out XD
As Calx said, most guys (that I know of) of really discreet. I myself like to drop subtle hints here and there to see her reaction and find out myself if she really likes me and if she is worth going for.
How to tell if a guy likes you (from personal experience, in no way official)
1. They seem to talk a lot more then normally (or a lot less than normal)
2. They may get distracted a lot more when talking to you (eye contact falls, changing subject, etc.)
3. They may seem nervous when talking to you (derp)
4. They may try to go out of their way to be nice to you. (Like paying for stuff when they know you can)
5. They may like you if they initiate contact with you a lot.
Those are just different ways that I myself noticed I do, and from observing other guys around me. Hope this helps
