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I dont really know what i happening but i know something is. In year 7 i would hold my breath when walking past smokers, tell me parents if i did something wrong, treat them with respect.

Then year 8 i got excluded and things went wrong from there. Started smoking. Stopped at the end of year 8.

Now, year 9 and 10 i have become good, im not a bad boy anymore. No more school trouble.

Year 11: just before we started school again i lost friendship with a girl i really loved and still do i think. Im now nearing the end of year 11. I get drunk and high every weekend. I'm looking at people in deifferent ways, finding it hard not to hit them. I have lost empathy for people. I hate my dad, and have hit him. I am slowly but surely loosing morals for everything and everyone. And it gets me down. I think i am deppressed but i dont know what to do. I buy valium once a week now from a dealer at school. I feel like the bad guy from a comic book, it's funny in a twisted way :l

But its not as if im under achieving. Im an A-B student. I'm just not happy..

Im not sure im looking for an answer, just needed to write this down. Comment if you think it will help or i can be helped.

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And to make it worse i think my good friend likes her. He sits next to me in history And i know it's wrong, but i will smash him with the chair, I know im the bad guy. I just get anger rushes.

PS.Sorry but it helps me if i write stuff down.

I'm feeling bad for you
I suggest you to contact a psychologist,
because this is a serious issue...

Firstly - Girls will come and go in your life. Just wait a while and hopefully you'll find the right one. As for now stop putting yourself down because you've lost someone that you probably would lose contact with after you graduate from highschool.

Secondly - Go see your school's counselor so you guys can talk about what's going on in your life to make you rage. It will help, trust me.

I hope I helped ;)

It is natural to go through emotional and behavioural changes during stressful times in your life. What matters is how you express those changes. You have recognised that you don't like aspects of yourself, and that is healthy so long as you don't punish yourself.

You have a lot of pent-up energy, and it is important that you don't vent in ways that will escalate in a negative way. Take up a competitive team sport like soccer or rowing; otherwise try self-defense training like akido or boxing.

Writing can sometimes be too introspective, and like the poster above, I believe you should speak to a trained adult.

Don't forget that this forum is a healthy place to confide in, so tell us how you go. Take care.

Going to your school counsellor isn't always a good idea, they're required by law to report any thing they feel may be a danger to you and/or illegal, so there's a good chance it will only make matters worse.

You're using drugs and alcohol for all the wrong reasons, it shouldn't be used as an escape, instead find some sports or similar activities that will take your mind off things and provide an outlet for all this stress.

I think, i might start rugby and maybe self teach myself some martial arts. And yeah, i know girls will come and go and i doubt i would have realy hit him its just the way i felt, i now know he doesnt like her. But i'm not seeing anyone profesional for the reason mentioned above.

Thanks people here

If you do need to speak to someone, find an anonymous support hotline in your area. The staff will usually be volunteer counselors, not health professionals.

The first thing you need to do is stop. Just for a short period of time. Sit down, breathe, and think. You seem like a smart guy, so use that to your advantage. If you have problems, come to terms with them and work on a solution. Things will not fix themselves, and that is something you need to realize if you want to be happy.

Next, consider talking to somebody. If there is somebody in your community that you can confide in, talk with them. If not, there are always hotlines out there and places you can go to get the help you deserve, as stated by Eve. We live in a world where the resources are endless; you just need to reach out and utilize them to your own personal benefit.

Support Forums is a great example. There are TONS of members here who are always willing to help. We're all humans.. even though we do not share the same life experiences, we all know what it's like to feel down, and we all have our own ways to cope. Reach out, and find the answers you have been awaiting for.

Good luck, and please update us with your progress. Things can get better, but you're the only person that can make it happen.

Thank you guys. Is there any online people i can talk to anonomously? I think it may help. I want help but i dont want to turn to someone like my GP.

Where are you based? I can search for hotlines for your area.