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As the legion closes in, loops of darkness surround the edge of hope.
The fountain's still running, but it's reflection is becoming numb.
The plain skies become neglected with hate.

One minor mistake. "surrounder". Besides that I would say this is alright

(01-23-2011, 02:02 PM)Rookie. Wrote: [ -> ]As the legion closes in, loops of darkness surround the edge of hope.
The fountain's still running, but it's reflection is becoming numb.
The plain skies become neglected with hate.

I don't really understand what this is supposed to mean, any clues to what you were thinking about while writing?