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I'm only 12. I recently found out I had a mood disorder. Here's how it started:

Ever since I was little, people disliked me at school. At first for no reason, just because I wasn't pretty. Then I started to get annoying. november 2009 I moved, and everything fell apart. It's like I can't take change. No one liked me, everyone hated me. First it was like 3 people who hated me, and they were very popular and had a lot of friends. So then their friends started hating on me. It was now the whole 6th grade (this time 7th). People I didn't even know came up to me and stuck the middle finger up or cursed me. But I couldn't stand up for myself. I was to nice. Still to nice. At home, I felt like my family doesn't love me. We never go anywhere. They just hate on me. Soon I started thinking to hard and I got depressed and suicidal. I remember one person asked me "Are you bipolar?". I wouldn't show my sadness though. I couldn't control my moods. I thought it was normal. I really needed someone to talk to it about. But when I do that, i feel so much better that I start to annoy them. I started cutting myself and being suicidal. I have no friends. At school I'm always the lonely girl, with no one to talk to. Today at school, like 10 minutes before school started, the 7th graders wait in the park, and some girl I didn't even know said out loud "_________ SHOULDNT STAY OUTSIDE BECAUSE SHE HAS NO FRIENDS AND SHOULD GO INSIDE SO SHE'S SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE SO IT SEEMS LIKE SHE HAS FRIENDS." Which really pissed me off. But I couldn't say anything back. WHO THE fudge DID SHE THINK SHE WAS TO SAY THAT?!?! I even drank listerine before to try to kill myself, now I only get pains because of it. I feel like everyones watching me. I have no talents, besides hacking (if that counts). I'm in SP (for the smarter students) but when people find out, they're like "YOU'RE IN SP?!!?" Why would they think I'm stupid??? Soon someone told the guidance counselor about the cutting and suicidal issues. They made me get a phsychiatrical evaluation. It turns out I have a mood disorder. Probably bipolar. Which answers my questions such as why I can't sleep a lot of the time, why I can't think or control my thoughts sometimes, why I have trouble focusing and paying attention, and a lot of other things. My parents were mad at me for this. I just feel guilty for a lot of things and don't want to go on. I feel like im hopeless. I keep losing my trail of thought right now and my head hurts real bad. Sometimes I even hear my mom call my name. But it's rare. Like, I'm gonna be like this the rest of my life. If I die and be born again, I'll have a new and better life, and I'll have friends. My parents don't let me go places. They don't understand me. All my mom does all day is scream at me and tell me how she hates me. I cry everyday.

Can someone just please reassure me and tell me everything's going to be alright? Please tell me why I should live, I don't see any reason why. Because right now I just need to let it out and need someone who's caring, because no one cares. And strangers are better to get reassurance from then haters. And you probably know, it's 999999999999 times worse than it sounds. Especially since I have a mood disorder.

I'd like to reassure you everything will be alright...but sadly I cannot. Reading this I feel blessed for the life I have. I feel very sorry. Have you ever had a heart to heart with your mother? Sit down and talk to her, hopefully she'll listen and you'll start bonding. I couldn't imagine having no one to talk to about daily life...no one who cares.

I'm guessing your a girl by the way? And also, just keep studying and find another quiet person and start talking. Hopefully they will become your best friend that you can always rely on. Meet SOMEONE. But just keep being smart and when you're successful and get pretty when you're older you'll be the one laughing

Sigghhh. A lot of people go through. It's just more exaggerated to you because of your mood disorder. You seem to want to need people to like you. To need them to accept you. You shouldn't feel like that because you're not at school for them. I know making friends is important but maybe you're hanging around the wrong crowd. The crowd you don't fit into, yet. I say yet because in high school everything changes. You're young and people your age do not exactly think thoroughly about the consequences of theirs actions. They will say things to hurt you without thinking about how badly you would take it. Just keep your chin up. Keep going to school, getting good grades, and stay in the SP Program. Also I'm sure there are people you talk to daily at school. These are your acquaintances and can become friends in the long run. Just keep in touch with them.

Also do not blame how everything is on your mood disorder. Learn when it is the disorder and when it's not because there is a difference.

About your mom. She probably does not understand what you're going through and you have to tell her how it is for you. Sit her down and talk to her. Tell her something like mom "I don't want you to talk, I just want you to listen." Then begin to explain to her how things are for you. Do not sound like you're complaining, use a tone of voice and demeanor that shows you're listing facts. If you start to get emotional it's okay, just don't go sobbing the whole time you're talking and gulping for air every other two words. Once you're done proceed to get up and leave unless she begins to say something. If she says nothing go about your business she will have to think things over.

If you would like to talk about things in private you may private message me and I can help you further with anything you've not covered here or would not like to post in the public.

Hope everything goes well!

Based on my childhood, I am sure everyone might have experienced the loneliness or have very few friends they actually talk to or hang out. I think you shouldn't blame yourself for something you didn't do any wrong. You should be strong and push forward despite all these haters. Throughout my years, I have learned there always few people who will try to bring you down somehow to whatever reasons or for drama sake or entertain themselves. Your still too young to literally take it seriously. I know friends who have been through your situation that they basically tell me all their problems. Just know your normal and your not the only person in the entire world who feels the way you do. Parents sometimes push the blame onto their children because its is easier than to blame themselves. They also probably don't understand you and have a sit down talk with your parents. I am sure your mom would the best person to talk to since she is the same gender as you. Maybe she will be able to share her experience. To me I wouldn't really say you have mood disorder as I know girls do have mood swings and a sense of feeling emotional towards negative things around them. You shouldn't let it all get to you but try to be stronger. It is normal. As for those kids who did that to you, they do not understand you. I know kids these days think everything is all fun and games that they don't realize they are hurting the person they are targeting. Its always the nice kids who get pick on. Your also in school so you can focus all your attention on school and someone will come along. Just know it won't last forever. Seeing your potential in school, ignore those who trying to put you down because your in SP compare to them. Haters will always try to bring you down. Just know your a better, smarter and nicer person than them. Probably the reason you can't sleep long is because you have too much things on your mind. You need to relax and clear your mind before you sleep. Girls also have a short attention span sometimes that they forget what they are doing because something caught their attention. As for your parents not letting you go places, it can be a reason why they do care about you. In general, parents are more stricter on girls about going out. Even if you go out, it won't be long and you have to be back home within "that" time you have to be. It is because they don't want something to happen to you. Eventually as you grow up, they will re-consider and you will be able to hang out but just not too often. Some of my friends are like that and won't be able to go out until they are 14-17. It also depends on your parents if they aren't busy to drop you off or pick you up.

Everything will be fine when you grow up. It won't last forever I reassure you. You shouldnt even be thinking of suicide because there are worst situation in the world compare to your problem. There are kids who are starving themselves, living on the streets, and don't have nice clothes and other stuff. Consider yourself better than them. I know girls cut themselves because to release their pain. Its really a bad idea because it will leave a scar that might last forever. If you need someone to talk to, I will be your friend and hit me up with a "pm" whenever you have something that bothers you. You can tell me. Be strong.

Trust me things well be different when your out of school, when your early 20s and have a life this well all seem a world away

The Mood Disorder is why you're feeling like this, it's lying to you... Just try meeting some people and you'll be fine, it's just a stage

You need to ignore those fools picking on you to cover their own inadequacies, continue with your SP program and not let the little things get to you, life is hard, people deal with stuff like that daily, your mood disorder may not help but just like nearly every disorder out there, you can change how you do things to cope with it.