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When she smiles,
my heart goes wild.

This happens everyday,
but I don't know what to say.

I feel like we should be together,
It doesn't have to be forever.

I need to know why,
Before I start to cry.

She is so perfect,
Not just your common suspect.

I don't know how this came to be,
There is no way I can agree.

I'll make this work,
before I go berserk.

I'll find a way,
It'll be okay.

Pretty good.
Try to use the same amount of syllables on rhyming words. 'Everyday'(3) and 'Say'(1) doesn't sound good at all. Or at least only 1 syllable difference.

(11-27-2010, 07:47 PM)Solidus Wrote: [ -> ]Pretty good.
Try to use the same amount of syllables on rhyming words. 'Everyday'(3) and 'Say'(1) doesn't sound good at all. Or at least only 1 syllable difference.

I appreciate the feedback and criticism. Thank you.

Very deep, im not really a poetry type of guy but it was really good i have to say.

You did a very good job writing this.

Thanks guys!

Very deep, im not really a poetry type of guy but it was really good i have to say.

(11-28-2010, 05:46 PM)Killuminati Wrote: [ -> ]Very deep, im not really a poetry type of guy but it was really good i have to say.

Thanks. I really appreciate it.