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Long story...

But really need some advice on what to do. the back ground:

I'm jess, 21 my BF is 34 we live together and have been together for a few years and have a little girl on the way (curretnly 7 months pregnant with his daughter)

the problem:

I dont know if it is just me being silly, but its starting to get me real down. He has never gone out on friday night benders, and we have never spent a night away from eachother before, but over the last 3/4 weeks he has been going out every weekend and not coming home I wouldnt mind so much if he told me before hand, but he doesnt say anything, and when he is out doesnt even tell me he wont be coming home, so have to leave the door unlocked.

I'm getting a bit sick and tired of this behaviour, and its not because he is not ready to have kids as he is already a daddy.

I feel so lonely and like i have no one to talk to.

I hope one of you out there can give me some kind of advice. please

well i'm sure there are some to talk to here that can help. It's not often that you get a girl coming to a forum like this for help by the way, not that i'm against it, but glad to have you here

Feeling lonely would be something that I can understand based on what he does. I would suggest talking to him. Being parent's isn't a one person thing, it takes the committment of both people to be successful. If he isn't willing to be committed to you then thats another problem. A night away or so is a good thing, as long as he explains to you where he goes, and how long he might be gone for, so that you don't have to keep the door unlocked. That would be a security issue that I could understand you might be concerned with.

He's doing the immature thing and going out whenever he pleases, which is the overall picture in my mind. He should be looking after you if you're still pregnant. And when he does go out, he should definitely tell you the times he will be back. You should talk to him, thats my advice.

You definitely have every right to know these things, and you should confront him with that in a way that you can both come to the understanding.

One HUGE, thing.. "COMMUNICATION"

The most important thing in relationships, from family, to being married to someone. Girlfriends, or boyfriends. Communication is big. Otherwise human nature will usually lead people to conclusions from assumptions that might not be so true. Thats the number one cause of corrupted relationships in the world today. You have to talk to him so that the both of you can see each others perspectives on the story. Then come to a resolution or agreement that you both make so that you can improve this problem.

Don't forget about communication ever. And also when and if you decide to talk with him, make sure he knows this as well. If you both know that communication is important, (and trust me, it is) then both of you shouldn't have a problem talking to each other if one of you starts to feel differently about something, or if something upsets one or the other. Thats how you can be there for each other, which is the whole point of being together is all about.

Hope this helps, good luck

Infinity,

Wow, speedy reply Thanks. And great advice.

Communication is somthing I keep saying to him, but for 34 he acts like he's 14! as soon as I try to talk to him about these feelings, or similar ones he goes in a mood, and sulks, and has ignored me for 2 days before.

I'm glad you let me know i have a right to know. I thought at first I might be being unreasonable, but when I think about it. He is worse if i go out for an hour with out him. (no exagerating either) than I have been.

Its funny (in a non-funny way) how things change over time. In the begining he never would have done this, now we are settled and have a really good life, he wants to go all crazy and not give 2 flying hoots about me

Is it cool to post this kind of stuff here? I didnt know where else to go really. And dont like airing my problems to friends and family, at least on a forum with strangers it's kept out of every day life IYKWIM?

Yes, this is what the forum is for, you posted it in the right area too There are lots of good people here for help. And I hope what advice I gave you has helped a little.

From what I hear, he does act like a kid, if he doesn't take the time to try and fix problems by talking with you, then you should explain what your feelings are when you feel like you're the only one alone. Encouragement for him to do the same for you too. It's definitely not fair for you if he makes you feel like that for trying.

He needs to understand that for sure.

Try doing more things together as well Just the 2 of you, this should help increase that connection between the 2 of you, and it could also be a time when you both feel more comfortable talking about these things. It also sets that type of mood outside the home, so if there are any debates, then "home" doesn't seem like that place of memories for bad times.

Woohoo..at least I got the forum right

For a dude you got some good advice. (sorry if I have offended you if your a lady just assumed)

He's not home and probably wont be home until tomorrow some point. And I plan to tell him exactly how I feel.

Do you think I should go away for a few days to give him time to think if I'm really what he wants? or is that a little OTT?

thanks again by the way x

No, I think you should talk to him first, and see how he feels about the situation, and about his committment to his responsibility of soon being a father. I'm sure his kid will want to think of him as a "hero" in his mind as well. He decides whether he wants to be the dad that is around for his kid when he/she needs him the most. Thats what parenting is for, for the first years of the childs life.

Yeah i'm a guy, I just have always had good insights, and a good understanding on how to view the bigger picture. I'm a programmer so I problem solve a lot. See conflicts all the time on sports teams that i'm on as well. So it comes from a lot of experience.

Glad you found this helpful. I hope it can sort things out for you Things are definitely in need of change for you, because a person can only take so much on at a time before they start to get overwhelmed with dealing with it all.

I personally think you should go away for a week or two, give him time to think and to realize how important you and his unborn child is to him. He's leaving cause he probably needs space, or he's stressed about having the baby (if its his first), or maybe of how he'll support his family financially (again idk your situation, but the recession is hitting pretty hard) . You should just tell him you're going to your moms or a siblings or even relatives for a couple weeks, look him the eye tell him you love him and just leave. Wait for him to call you first, if he doesn't, call him after a couple days just to check up on him and see if he's alright, then you could start expressing your feelings on the situation and say you're gonna stay a couple more days to give him more time to reflect.

Hopefully he'll miss you and want you back with him. The key is to have patience, being a dude myself, I need my space every now and then.

Awesome advice both.

Thank you.

RL, he is a daddy already, and He is a fab dad.

He strolled in early hours this morning, and we had a blazing argument which ended up him telling me he could do better and calling me a C**T.

But he did come down stairs this morning and say sorry for being so unreasonable. I told him it was just as easy for me to leave this relationship as it was for him. ( I had packed my things) and asked him what he wanted. Only time will tell guys...well next friday will prove that lol.

Thanks so much guys xx

Good luck, I hope everything works out.

Good luck with the relationship, you should try fixing the problem instead of leaving as being a single mother will suck for you and for the child.