09-21-2010, 10:21 PM
Please read the entire thread if you're thinking about replying with some advice.
Please bare with me as it may prove to be vital for me to explain you my entire story in detail in order for you all to make the best possible assessment of the situation.
About a year ago, my uncle took his own life. My grandmother, an 87-year-old woman, was the one to wake up in the morning to his deceased body. As she crept down the basement stairs, she found her forty-five year old son dangling from a rope in a complete state of immobility.
My family and I took her in and sold her home fearing that having her live alone wouldn't be such a good idea. It has come to the point that she is highly delusional. She sees, hears and creates stories with no goal in mind. If we ask her a question or even if she'd begin talking to us, she won't be able to finish without forgetting what she had to say or getting side-tracked. Her thinking process and train of thought seems to be crippled. She cannot formulate sentences properly. For example, she may come to me one day and know who I am and what my name is and another day ask me who I am.
We've been from doctor to doctor and they've all concluded that she is schizophrenic and is suffering from PTSD from having seen her dead son. It seems to me that she has a tad bit of Alzheimer's, to say the least.
Bottom line here is that she is a very big hassle, both during the day and at night-time. During the day, she cannot be left alone since she had already began screaming for my mother and my tenants called the ambulance in fear of a horrible accident. So every time someone needs to leave, we need to arrange ourselves to have one person taking care of her at home. Most of the time, my mom takes it upon herself to stay home wit her. At first, I didn't see it but then slowly realized; my mom cannot sleep at night because my grandmother is constantly nagging and she cannot go to work or leave the house in the day because she has to monitor my grandmother.
We have thought of putting her in a home but just cannot afford it. Another option that was ruled out was to have her stay at my aunt's house, as she is the only other relative that would consider doing so but that didn't work out for long. My grandmother stayed there for a couple of days and kept waking up my baby cousin so we had to take her back.
It has come to the point where my mother is extremely exhausted and quite frankly out of options. I feel as though I should be helping in some way but I just have no goddamn clue as how to do so.
If there is anyone out there that can lend a helping hand or even something as little as a piece of advice, I'd be forever grateful. My entire family is suffering and I just cannot bare to see my mother in such distress. Especially since she didn't have much time to grieve over her brother since this all came so fast, I'm afraid she's going to blow soon.
Godspeed.
Updated November 4th, 2010;
My entire family is on the verge of collapsing. It's gotten incredibly worse to the point that my mother has begun physically penalizing my grandmother for her actions.
For instance, when I returned from school today, I heard my mother yelling at my grandmother from outside my home, just as I was entering my key into the keyhole. I opened the door to find my mother slapping my grandmothers hands repeatedly as she was touching things she wasn't supposed to and as a result making them fall and break. No matter what my mom tells my grandmother, whether it be "Leave me the hell alone, you're driving me nuts!", my grandmother has a very hard time understanding her reasoning and simply begins to reply "Yes, but--", before my mom cuts her off again yelling her brains out. This time, the same occurred but my mom had spent the entire day with my grandmother so I assume she had built up some stress over the course of the day. Second after I put my bag down in my room, I find my mother shoving my grandmother across our hallway from behind her. She begins yelling "That's it, I've had it. Get out! I don't want to see you anymore! Get out of my face! Get out! GET OUT!!" Normally, I freak out. I was afraid to intervene as even the slightest word may have ticked my mother off.
So, my grandmother left with her jacket, only barely. She didn't even have it on properly. Anyways. My mom always makes her sit on our front balcony so she thought she'd be sitting there. But a couple of minutes later, we went to check up on her and she was gone. My mom insists that she will go find her, as if it nothing big and that she does it all the time. So, evidently, I felt like crap, so I took my keys and phone, locked up and left to find her too. I ended up finding her about five minutes down our street speaking with a stranger. I told the man thank you for having kept her safe for the time being and walked home with her. On the way home, I tried to explain her to give my mom some breathing room but she's practically a vegetable. She doesn't understand what people tell her, most of the time. For instance, you can tell her that she's fat and ugly and she'll just shrug "Ya", in a monotone voice, as if she's so depressed and out of place. She doesn't know where she is half the time. She wanders from one room to another by feeling door frames, even the sheer daylight.
On with the incident. I proceeded with bringing her home. I took it upon myself to have her stay with me in our basement while I continue my work online and put on a movie for her to watch, just so that my mom can relax a little bit. But it don't know what to do anymore. I mean, sooner or later, my mom is going to blow. And I'm afraid when she does, she's going to unintentionally hurt my grandmother. She's already bruised her by pushing her and shoving her all the time, just because she stresses her out.
I have no more options. A nursing home is out of the questions and I've already helped out as much as I could but there's only so much I can do when I'm home. When I'm working, at school or out for the night, my mother is home breaking her back trying to reason with a damn wall, so to speak.
I need advice, and preferably from someone that cared enough to read all this. There's no tl;dr for this. If you don't have the sympathy to inform yourself, please don't reply. Likewise, I'd like to hear serious responses because frankly, at this point in the issue, I have very little patience for nonsense some of you may have to offer.
Thank you in advance for reading and possibly replying.
Updated December 9th, 2010;
I'm sort of ashamed that I had to go this far but my mother is too distressed to actually seek anymore help for my grandmother so I've concluded by documenting my grandmother's behavior for external help. Perhaps one of you can give me a diagnosis based on what you're seeing in this video.
This video took place yesterday night at 12:30 AM. I got home from hockey and heard my grandmother speaking to herself, something she's always doing nowadays and walking around the house feeling the walls and what-not. So I decided to show you first-hand what she does and why she doesn't sleep, which in the end, bothers my mother because she's up at night and sleeping in the daytime.
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlwzK7Bpc1U[/yt]
Updated December 19th, 2010;
A couple of days ago I noticed something my grandmother does often and I thought I'd share it with you all to gain a better understanding of this whole situation. After all, the more you know, the more helpful you'll be.
When my grandmother has to get dressed or undressed, put her winter boots on or off, or simply fold clothes (something I've suggested my mother have her do to keep her busy), she doesn't quite seem to know what she's doing while she's doing it. For instance, she'll come inside and start removing her winter boots (unzipping the side zipper) but only a couple of seconds later, she'll zip them back on and put her jacket back on. It's as if she's completely lost. Another example is when she is trying to sit down on our sofa. She supports her weight with her arms on the couch and makes believe she will slowly sit down but then she just pauses in the motion in a very awkward stance.
I asked my mom what her diagnosis is and she told me 'she has Alzheimer's'. Do those look like symptoms of Alzheimer's?
Updated December 22nd, 2010;
My mother says that my grandmother has schizophrenia but I wasn't convinced so I decided to take a look at my grandmother's prescriptions and dosages. Here is what I found.
Spoiler (Click to View)
![[Image: 15127054.jpg]](http://img827.imageshack.us/img827/2285/15127054.jpg)
Updated January 2nd, 2011;
While I'd like to admit that everything worked out for the best, it hasn't. Although we had a great Christmas, everything always returns to what is was before. But I realized something on Christmas eve that I really made me feel thankful inside. As we were all seated, enjoying our eve's dinner, my grandmother was incorporated in our family's dinner conversations. While she was slow to respond at time, she was catching on; answering question and formulating sentences that we could not usually understand as opposed to fragmented phrases.
I now understand that human interaction is what needs the most. Sure she needs rehabilitating medication to stabilize her neurotransmitters but above all, if she has the pleasure of discussing things with others, I found that she'll live a healthier life.
That night, as I watched my grandmother answer questions and formulate sentences she hadn't since my uncle's passing, I was amazed and truthfully heartfelt. Maybe there is some hope for my grandmother and companionship is a fine place to start looking.
Updated January 7th, 2011;
I dread days like today. Days when I'm left home alone to spend with grandmother. I'm attending my own business, TV, computer, etc., and she just constantly touches things in our house. She dissembles table tops and lays all the vases across the hallway floor. She takes all of our magazines in our living room and scatters them across the hardwood under the couch. I just can't take it anymore. I'm starting to feel what my mom is going through. She's been doing this for a while now and I finally see how annoying it is to take care of my grandmother. We always gave my mom crap for snapping all the time and hitting my grandmother but I'm so close to that point that it scares me. I can't take a 10 minute crap without returning to find her turning the house upside down. Sometimes I'm standing behind her while holding her by the arm, walking her back to her room to put her to bed and all I can think of is to smack her right in the back of the head. Is something wrong with me? The stress is building up and it's taking a toll on everyone. I tell my grandmother not to do something and not to touch something and slap her hand to show her ‘OFF!, don't touch that!’ and she only replies ‘Yes, but…’. It's just ridiculous. I can't do it anymore. She can't stay here anymore. I'm ready to do whatever it takes to get her out of this home.
Just the other night, it was 3:45 AM and I woke up to sounds. I knew it was her. I saw her petting our Christmas tree. For some reason her attention span and curiosity level is very high. She's captured by the slightest things. She could spend four hours sitting on a chair watching nothing but the ground bellow her. I honestly agree that there's nothing left for her. Sadly enough, she's taking everyone down with her. We've all just about had enough and we're nearing out patience.
WHAT DO I DO! PLEASE! THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP!
Updated January 20th, 2011;
Things have just gotten so bad around the house that I've started to even consider the idea of laying some blame on my uncle for being selfish. I feel sick inside. Am I a bad person?
Updated February 1st, 2011;
About 2 days ago, my dad come over because there was a problem with the plumbing at my house. After we fixed it, he was pointing out all kinds of chores that needed to be done around the house and he said that 'we ruined the house' since he moved out. I'm the man of the house now. My mom is stuck taking care of my grandmother all the time and both my sisters don't contribute to the upkeep of our home. Cutting the grass, locking the doors before night, making sure the garage is in order, fixing the toilet when it breaks, etc. These may sound like tedious responsibilities but anyone that is in my situation and that knows what taking care of a 3-story home in tales will understand my perspective.
Regardless, as he was pointing out things that needed to be done, I was taking note of everything in my head so that I can make a to-do list when he left. And so I did. I wrote down all the things that I need to do from now until the summer to renovate my house. Yesterday I vacuumed the entire house and tidied up my garage. I replaced all the tools where they needed to be. I sold some old bikes and other things online to clear up some room and then went out at night. This morning I went to school at 6 AM, came back, ate, and went to the gym for a couple of hours. Now, I get home and I find a mess all over the kitchen floor. Some sort of water spill, undoubtedly my grandmother's wrongdoing, which aggravated me since I'm trying to make my house look nice again, like it was when my dad was living with us. And then, all of a sudden, it hit me; it's an impossible task living with my grandmother. No matter how hard I try to maintain the house, no one will help me and my grandmother just makes fires quicker than I can put them out. My mom doesn't clean anymore because she uses her free time to escape to her boyfriend's house or smoke to relieve stress. I get where she's coming from, that fact that she's the one that takes care of my grandmother the most and she needs her time to unwind but my mom is exhausting her options right now. She really needs to put her in a home. I've called up my dad and told him that I really wanna do whatever it takes, sell this house and anything else, in order to come up with the money to have my grandmother live somewhere else. I want a nice home but this is just going to work and I'm about to give up on my renovation project. It's embarrassing though, when friends come over. They walk around and they're crumbs on the ground, the floor is dirty, really dirty! and the dishes aren't done or properly done so that there's still stains everywhere or food remains on the dishes that have been put back into the pantry after wash. My mom doesn't wash the dishes properly anymore because she doesn't use them. She's always eating at her boyfriend's house. So she just rinses them out. It's really awful. When friends come over, I go to get dishes for supper and there's ketchup stains and food residues stuck on the dish. I can't take it anymore. I really need to figure something out. All I know is that I want to live myself and it's not fair that just because my grandmother is ill, my mom has to ruin mine.