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I have a problem and i could really use some advice on the situation..

Im married, 2 kids. I dont make the best money, but i do have a nice paid for house/car. My relationship with my wife is pretty good, we love each other, spend time together with our family, all the usuall things.

Well, couple months ago she contacts her ex.(went to check my email, and hers was still logged in..)they just discussed how eachother has been. I asked her about it, told her i didn't like it, as she would freak if i did that. And that was the end of that.

I install keylogger.

Today she had a conversation with a guy who she apparently knew from a long time ago... and it went like this.

*talked about how there life has been...she never mentions a husband, but does mention 2 kids*
Wife - so do you go to school or church or any thing
guy - not really, but i have a very good job and i make alot of money. ive been at my job for 8 years now
Wife - i just wanted to see if -- like if you were still going to church i could go to -- to catch up
Wife - i dont go to school or church regularly either
guy - Im living in *** now and im living and loving life
well, my number is ***-***-****
That would be cool, lets go
Wife - ill jot it down but i dont have a phone
Guy - well when do you want to go to church
Wife - i dont know
guy - do you live in ***?
wife - no i live in ****.
And then they stopped talking.


Now, the smart thing to do would be nothing and just let the keylogger work its magic. But instead i confronted her about it. She just says she didn't intend on seeing this guy and didn't even write the number down. I ask her why she would ask to go to church with him and she said because he used to be a good friend and she just wanted to catch up...

Ok, we have been together for 7+ years, i have never even heard this guys name before. We don't go to church, and she has never said anything to me about going to church.

WTF should i do?

she just wants to catch up with an old friend bro

Your first mistake was the keylogger. Does your wife know you did this? If you have to key log her, you have a serious trust problem you need to work on.

I'm fairly certain she's just catching up with friends. Just because he has a wang, doesn't mean he's gonna use it. Let her do her thing, if it turns out she is, indeed, cheating, she obviously isn't worth your time.

ya... it just baffles me as to why she wanted to meet up with him to catch up(they just got caught up in the 2hour chat they had)? That doesn't happen in our relationship. We have our group of friends that we hang out with. and we don't do ANYTHING without discussion first...And when i first asked about it she "didn't know what i was talking about" untill i said "the guy you want to meet to go to church with" I mean..she had no other conversations with anybody else so she CLEARLY knew wtf i was talking about and wasn't going to tell me.

Thanks for the advice tho, more input is much appreciated.

(08-22-2010, 04:30 PM)Guest Wrote: [ -> ]untill i said "the guy you want to meet to go to church with" I mean..she had no other conversations with anybody else so she CLEARLY knew wtf i was talking about and wasn't going to tell me.

In that case, something seems suspicious. Tell her how you feel, communication is key.

She doesn't know of the keylogger. But we have 2 computers, this one is CLEARLY mine(I built it). I like to see what people do on my computer(where the hell did all these stupid "free games" come from?)...my computer was on when i got up, so sombody was using it....i simply check my keylogger to find out who and why.

I wouldn't say i have a trust issue(well...i might now tho).she goes out with her friends, works her own job...does whatever she wants, but never without telling me first. hopefully theres nothing to it, but its just all so out of the ordinary....

I don't think there's anything to worry about. Like you said this guy has never been mentioned before and now she just wants to catch up with him.

I don't think there's a threat there.

if she didnt have anything to hide then why hide it from you in the first place. if i was talking to an old friend id gladly tell my partner about it when he came home. my way of thinking is if she has something to hide from you then she will hide it. your going to drive yourself crazy by checking up on her all the time though, and although its easy for us to say, you really do have to try and stop it.
your trust has been brusied but just a little. the only sane way is to ask her whats going on calmly.
you should be able to tell by her face if she is lying or not.

It is rather difficult to know what her intentions are. It could be simple curiousity about people from her past, or it could be more. But as a woman, the chat excerpt you posted unsettles me. Who suggested catching up?

( Side note: what can one possibly catch up on at a church anyway? If the topic is about religion or ecclesiastical details, it is more fruitful to talk about it with a religious leader or scholar. If the topic is about each other, you would have to wait until after church to catch up, since it is fairly improper to chatter during Sunday mass. Which means that catching up will most likely occur over a brunch or lunch booking. )

For the moment, don't imagine and act the worst. You have already confronted her about the issue, and she has said that she didn't intend on seeing him. Tell her that you would prefer her to inform you of similar situations, admit to her that this has unsettled you, and then let the situation rest as it is. If she cares about how you feel, she will try to see it from your point of view and not be judgmental or defensive towards your request.

Good luck.

You should meet that guy with your loving wife in church and than ask her to tell you the whole truth in front of god ,
than do the same thing with that guy , i hope it will result in your overall satisfaction.

Another way , you should spy on her OR hire someone to do so ...

This is the best i can told you for now ..