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Hi All,

About a year or so ago, My grandmother and grandfather passed away, For this thread i will be talking about my grandfather. (I am 14)

When i was old enough to know my grandad, He was disabled, First time i knew him, He was on a stick, Then he needed a frame, And then he needed carers to help him and lifts of all sorts ceiling and floor. Just before he died, (weeks before), He was all fine, Everything was fine, Well not perfect, But fine enough, Enough that i was satasfied he was still there and well enough to talk ect and he was somewhat mentally stable apart from some memory problems.

On the day of his death, At late night, Around 10-11pm, My mother got a call that grandad was in a very unstable state and was breathing very heavy and irrisponsive, Coughing alot, Breathing heavy between the coughts as if he went running to the max of his ability and was choking at the same time. We, Me and Mother, Got quickly dressed and drove over there as fast as we could within limits, When we got there, Ablert and Pearl were arriving, (Aunt and Uncle) , And all ran into the bedroom where we was, In the bed unstable condition. We gathered around the bed and of course we knew this was probably the last time of his life.

We got told to leave the room while mother had a private word while he could live, And we all went in the lounge, She came out and we went back in and gathered around again.

I got asked wether i would like to speak to him privately, and i said no because it just felt so quick happening at the time. He died infront of my eyes while i was there and of course i lied back on the other bed in the room and cried my eyes out. And that is that.

The point of the thread is because i am feeling guilty, This comes from when i got the opportunity to speak with him and i did not, And from that day i feel extremely bad about my self not saying that private word. I feel broken down inside and mentally unstable in some ways, I am sat here crying my heart and eyes out while i write this now, With my tears dripping on the keyboard (no joke). Im here sobbing right now because of that guilt feel, I just cannot cope anymore! I need advice and need it quick too. I feel like i have depression in some aspects, My self confidence has dropped and on a depression test i scored off the chart and had a very high rating (VERY HIGH - Well over the amount for severe depression). My life is now on the internet since then, I just feel so wrong inside. Grandad was coming however, Grandma was a shock. She was so stable and well making my jam tarts every week (Just bursted into bigger tears again) and she went in hospital, And i said goodbye to her in hospital thinking to see her next day, and *poof* shes gone too, And i could not even think of the word goodbye it was such a shock.

Before any of you suggest going to a GP or person in real forget it. I need e-advice and fast, and effective too, Daily life is a struggle, With suiside thoughts when i think about them too. Please, Someone help me!

Your not guilty my friend...dont blew ur mind like that totally 100%not guilty ...he whas sick right dont think cause ur guilty ....

Don't think suicide because yo were stressed on the night of your grandpa's death, it's probably common that it happens.Many times old / dying people like to be alone because they don't want others to feel bad for them right in front of them and that they don't want to have to watch you cry.

I am probably not the best person to try and comfort you but by god I am going to try my best...

First off let me say how sorry I am that someone your age has to go through this horrendous situation. Let me say that you are not guilty what so ever at all for not saying good bye to your grandparents. If I was asked to say something to my grandfather if he was about to pass away then I like you wouldn't be able to say anything. You're not at fault and how could you ever be?

What you need to realize is that your grandfather died with everyone around him that he loved. Your family was there in his last moments and he didn't die alone. You need to think about how lucky you were to be there in his last moments, I know he was thinking that the family he adored here with him in his last moments is exactly what what he wanted. You were there with him and it made him happy. So he died with the love of you still with him.

As for you crying all I can say is CRY! Just cry and cry until you can't cry no more, don't ever be ashamed of crying. Buddy if you need to cry somewhere then just do it. It's just a reminder of how much he meant to you and how much you meant to him.

As for feeling guilty do you think your grandparents would ever imagine that it was your fault? They love you and you love them I bet they would just want you to be happy and move on with your life. They're lucky to of had you in their life.

As for suicide, think about how you're feeling now. The pain that's inside you... This will go with time but do you want to make your whole family feel even worse than you do now if you took your own life? It's not worth it at all. I know you might not believe this but the pain does get easier and you will feel better eventually.

You need to understand that your grandparents are probably in a better place right now happy and warm just thinking to themselves how they would want you to just remember the happy times and the happy memories, I'm sure they would probably think it's outrageous that you blame yourself...

This is all I can really say over the Internet, but if you ever need any help at all with this issue then feel free to PM me or post back here.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that you find peace once again. Talk with your family and just cry.

~ Sam

The actions through your life are what he will remember.
I assure you your Grandfather will be looking down at you and his thoughts will be for you mate.
Its common to feel you did not do enough or say one last goodby etc. There is no quick fix to get over this im sorry.
Time is the ultimate healer here.
But know its normal to feel this way and honestly if you care for what your Grandfather thinks then you need to move on and get over the guilt. He would want that.

As difficult as it might be, I would advise that you try to look at the situation as logically as you can. Yes what has happened has happened, and there is no going back to change that. Yes its very emotional. Yes you should be sad.

But feeling negative, feeling supressed, angry, upset, or suicidal - do you think any of these things would be what your grandparents would really want? DO you really think those feelings are going to change anything? Do you really think that can bring them back? You're young at age, and as unfortunate as it might seem, these things have to be dealt with whenever they happen. See this as a lesson. See this as an opportuntiy. See this as anything postive and wrap it around whatever evidence of hope you need to to justify it to yourself. But know that no matter what you feel, think, or believe - your grandparents died for a reason. Its just up to you to decide if that reason was for you to feel guilt over nature taking its course, or for you to ensure that they didn't die for nothing. Their bood still circulates in your veins. Remember that next time you question your life's expendability.

I had a similar issue. It's best that you don't talk to a loved one in a state like that. My grandma of 60 passed away around this time last year, and she was completely comatose, unable to talk. I regret having to see her in that state, and you'd probably be feeling how I'm feeling if you had talked to him.

Well since everyone else did an extremely good job on helping you, I'll just talk about depression real quick. I used to be depressed a lot, severely, and thought of suicide multiple times a day. It would be bad but it wouldn't really bother me too much because I would be thinking so in depth about how I could kill myself at that moment with whats around me or other ways. When you have thoughts like this just remember that committing suicide is one of the most selfish acts possible. Your family probably feels much like you because of your grandparents' deaths and killing yourself would only make them feel worse. Not to mention your friends and anyone else who knows you. You may think that killing yourself may be the easiest way out and it won't matter that much, but more people care than you think and it will devastate them. Remember that there is always hope and things can and generally will always get better, make the best out of what you have.

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. All I can suggest is that you remind yourself that your grandfather knew that you loved him. You didn't need to have a private conversation for him to know that.

I truly suggest speaking to somebody you trust and love. Maybe your mother? The fact that you mentioned suicide draws a red flag in my opinion. I suffer from depression also. One day I was moping around in my basement, wasting my life on the computer, and it hit me:

You're not just going to wake up one morning, and feel entirely different about a situation. You need to take charge of your lifestyle, and make a change for the better. Try picking a day, and telling yourself that you will wake up that specific morning, and be a better person. That's what I did. Since then, I have had a completely different outlook on my life. It might not be so easy for others, but it did help me.

Also.. If you are really contemplating suicide, you should think about the effect it would have on your family. I assume that you have atleast a somewhat strong relationship with atleast one person in your life. Think about what it would do to them. If you want to disregard your own well-being, then that is fine. Just think about what it would do to the ones you love, first.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to contact me. I know I just seem like a complete stranger, but sometimes having that one anonymous helping hand can make all the difference.

Feel free to PM me or add me any time!

MSN: VirtualReality@mail.com

When both my grandparents were really sick I was given a choice of seeing them, you know why?

They didn't want my last memory of them being them in the hospital, all sickly etc.